"I don't know, however, when my mother and father began their long, dispiriting war against each other. Most of their skirmishes were like games of ringolevio, with the souls of their children serving as the ruined captured flags in their campaigns of attrition. Neither considered the potential damage when struggling over something as fragile and unformed as a child's life." (Pat Conroy's Prince of Tides)
Too often parents choose to not see what is best for a child in their upbringing. If the parents do not agree, one may choose to be more lenient and become the child's "friend" to balance and compete with the strictness of the other spouse. Ultimately, the child cannot be a pawn in the struggle to do proper parenting. Consistent rules with both mom and dad need to be set and agreed on with proper rewards and punishments for the child's behavior and choices. If the parents disagree, it is critical to show unity in front of the child. The parents can discuss and "hash out" later what each feels to come up with a better plan next time. If a child does not see unity among the parents, divorced or not, the child will "divide and conquer". The child will play one against the other to obtain what s/he wants. Likewise, unity needs to be demonstrated in supporting the teacher. If the parent does disagree with a teacher's decision, the parent can meet separately with the teacher to understand better the situation. If the child sees consistent and practical "walls" in each adult's answer, the child will stop pushing and realize the choices made are to make the child better. Divorced or not, children need to feel secure and confident in the decisions parents make. Don't hold your child hostage in your anger toward your spouse or ex-spouse.
No comments:
Post a Comment